I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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