omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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