I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
