I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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