Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
