Come see our sink grown plant.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
