It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
