please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize