hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
