I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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