Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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