Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
