this beer tastes like vomit already
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
