If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
