I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize