Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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