I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
