who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
