WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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