i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize