Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
