I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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