ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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