windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
