i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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