she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
