Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize