I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
