She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i love accidental penises.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
