just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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