You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
