Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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