i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize