dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
