really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
