This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
