Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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