oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Who wears a wallet chain?!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
