At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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