just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
