then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
