so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
