I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I need moral support for this bender
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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