I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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