dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
