I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it because I queefed?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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