FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Randomize
