Already got asked if we're dating
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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