I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
