you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
