ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
