You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
