party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
