guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
