it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I still have a little drunk in my system
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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