I smell stomach acid.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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