They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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