is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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