I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
