so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
