he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
