I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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