420 ftw
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i dont even know how to be here
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
