Everything about him screamed your future.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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