We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
