Welp...herpes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
