I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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