Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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