I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
