youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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