when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
