Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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