he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
is wine microwaveable?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sorry about my life...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
