its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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