yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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