I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
