I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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